Films can be a useful tool to increase men’s emotional fitness. Movies can often ‘move’ us and touch us emotionally in deep ways and it often it feels safe to express tears while watching a screen in the darkness of a cinema. Films often demand an emotional response, seeking to connect with our commonality and humanity in a way that is accessible. Becoming aware is to reflect on why I responded or reacted to the film in a certain way.
Let me give you a personal example where I first learnt this lesson. Several years ago around the time my dad died, I watched ‘Billy Elliot’ and was deeply moved and became very tearful during the film and then sobbed afterwards. The relationship between the father and Billy was very touching and I think it connected with the way I felt about my father, who was mostly distant, unengaged in my world and had an inability to know or connect with me. What I found incredibly powerful in this film was the way that the father was able to enter into Billy’s world. He was eventually able to accept and support him in a untraditional masculine pursuit, putting to one side his own views. I also recall how I found the tactile and fun moments between father and son immensely emotional – moments that I was never able to experience with my own father.
So how did it help? It helped by highlighting these experiences of loss in my own life, naming them and allowing me to own them instead of project or distort these feelings. This awareness gave me a safe place to express these deeply held feelings allowing me to be with them, feel them and talk about them. The loss will always be there, but the ‘wound’ is not so raw.
Tip from the #ommcoach When you watch films try and be aware what is ‘moving’ you and what in your story those feelings connect with.
Interesting post and an interesting website referred to in an earlier comment so thanks for that.
Having been involved in inner work (personally and with others) forever (it seems) and being in love with cinema I’m fascinated by my own emotional and at times almost unconscious deep responses to certain films. Why, for example, having watched John Huston’s last film ‘The Dead’ four times (and having read the James Joyce story on which it’s very closely based) do I still cry my eyes out at the end every time? I ask that question knowing that I needn’t necessarily give a cognitive/literal answer but that I can be present to the impact and significance of that also in other ways.
Something I’ve noticed recently as I’ve worked more with this is the presence of archetypes or archetypal images in films which I think speak to something in us which is pre-verbal or physical. I’m thinking of films like ‘Master and Commander’ and ‘Apocalypto’. So along with the conversation around emotional responses, I also like to explore what archetypal images are at work here and in what ways do they resonate. What do I instinctively move towards or away from. Why might that be?
Gus, that sounds fasinating and I like what you are saying about the archetypal and pre-verbal… and I am wondering if you would like to to add something to the site… using for instance ‘The Dead’ – I’ve never seen it.
In terms of archetypes, I have always found myself drawn to the downtrodden hero, the one who against all the odds wins in the end – justice is done! I’m sure this has much to do with masculine images and a part of me that remains unfulfilled.
Hi James,
I’ve had a look around your site and checked out your front page video and I applaud you for bringing this topic to the male masses. It’s important. I’ve been one of those weird cases among men that rather move towards grief than anger – but primarily because I’ve been so much angry earlier in my life and seen the damage (plus I’m Enneagram 1 if that means anytging to you). Your concept of emotional fitness is important for us all, and probably particularly for men – because are emotional expression is so stunted by cultural mores.
About movies – yes, they are powerful. I’m the guy Rick mentioned above and am inspired to invite you to write a Billy Elliott review for my site. I would be honored to host it and it would drive some attention and traffic here.
Are you interested? Do write me!
Cheers,
Eivind
Hi Elvind, thanks coming on by.. and I like your site adn will happy to put a link on OMM. In terms of A review On Billy Elliot – I would like to do one, but it probably won’t be soon… however I am posting a small review on ‘In a better world’ soon, if you would like to use that.
James
Thanks for the link, James!
I’d love to host your Billy Elliot review one day. In the meantime, where do I find your other small review?
Eivind
James,
Some of the material on the website masculinity-movies.com may be a good additional resource for continuing the work you’ve suggested here. For example, there’s a wonderful review of “The Last Samurai” I found there that was my entry point to the site. I was later invited to contribute my own review of the movie “Iron Man” which is also available on the site. I think there are somewhere in the neighborhood of three dozen movie reviews posted now, all written from the perspective of masculinity and male experience. Definitely worth a look for anyone who feels inspired to follow the direction you’ve suggested here.
Rick
thanks for the Tip Rick – I’ll take a look.